161/365 - Proof from the Fairy Queen

Dearest Sophie,

   It has been a wonderful privilege entrusting our fairies to your care.  You are a wise and courageous girl.  I can assure you that many people will question your beliefs, but you must remember that what you believe is never as important as your behavior.  As for the boy who wants you to prove that fairies are real...  Sometimes, a question is the best answer.  Perhaps you might ask this young boy how he might prove to the fairies that he is real?

    The Fairy Queen

160/365 - Lament of an older sibling

It doesn't matter how much it cost or how long she had it before it got broken.  When she found the bell with the giraffe's head missing, she cried.  She cried, not just for the irreparable trinket, but also for the panda bears at the zoo and a torn fan from Chuck E. Cheese.  She even cried for an iPod she hadn't yet been given.  She cried because she shared and asked nicely, and it didn't make a difference.  Her bell still got broken.  Mainly she cried because it just really sucks to have a little brother and sister sometimes.

159/365 - Music to my ears

"There is something very intimate about hearing the voice of someone you love over the phone, when you're not able to be together...especially late at night, when it's dark, and you're alone."

~Ira Glass, Reinventing Radio, Ann Arbor Summer Festival, June 23, 2012

With all due respect to Skype and the ability to see my loved ones' faces, I gotta say I'm with Ira on this one.

158/365 - Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a willingness to let go of the pain, anger, frustration, and resentment we are entitled to feel.

157/365 - Fight, flight, or love

Human beings are biologically designed to react. Fight or flight is our base response, but as evolved human beings, we understand that the purpose of life is not merely our own individual survival. When we acknowledge that someone else's needs or wants are just as important as our own, our survival becomes a response to love.

156/365 - Mission Accomplished

The night of the clothing purge, I thought my simple request for advice about a new bathing suit simply got out of hand.  Looking back now, though, I realize that particular opportunity was more likely the "Mission Go!" sign in a long-held sinister plot to infiltrate my closet, clearly a black bag job.

Several months ago, my very dear friend, aka secret agent Sha'niqua, took it upon herself to hijack my wardrobe.  Sha'niqua is admittedly much younger and has a much more "current" fashion profile.  I've been asking her advice about clothes for a long time.  Apparently I didn't listen...

For years, the usual suspects in my closet consisted of the following:

1. extremely high-end designer hand-me downs from my beloved and generous and highly fashionable Aunt Carol (Enemy No. 1) 
2. quality pieces from martini-induced direct sales clothing parties (Allied Forces)
3. acquisitions from clothing exchanges with girlfriends, aka Naked Lady Parties (Double Agents to be sure, but I can assure you there were no naked women involved)
4. occasional bargains from Target picked up while on a toilet paper run (moles, window dressing, black ops, etc.)

OK, enough with the spy references and back to the mission...

The first to go that fateful night of the clothing purge were 99% of the outfits from my aunt.  No matter how much I protested about the cost and quality of whichever piece of clothing Sha'niqua targeted for the giveaway pile, she insisted that age and age-appropriate styles absolutely have to line up.  I love my Aunt Carol and her fashion sense, but I finally succumbed, and into the bag they went.  I still miss the 80's-inspired powder blue suit with zippers that I gave up that night.

Other losses during the purge were things that were "too big" or "weren't fit for even wearing around the house."  After Sha'niqua finished raiding my closet, she even went through my socks and underwear drawer.  One after another, Sha'niqua would hold up pairs of granny panties with the sincerest look of pity on her face.  I now own only one lonely pair of granny panties, simply because they happened be in the dirty laundry that night.

When it was over, we stuffed six large trash bags full of clothing earmarked for Goodwill.  Sha'niqua gave me clear instructions for future shopping, which included specific panty styles recommended from Victoria's Secret and adding more vibrant colors to my wardrobe.  Partly because black is a staple of the musician's wardrobe and partly because it's flattering and goes with anything, I have a lot of black clothes.  I wouldn't let Sha'niqua give away any of these, but I promised I would add more color to my wardrobe's palette.

So, when I went shopping with my sister on a whim recently, I had the option to buy some wonderful linen pants, either in a khaki color or a bright coral.  I confess I had the briefest but incredibly vibrant flashback to the time in elementary school when I wore these new bright yellow pants my mom had bought me to go with a cute rainbow patterned shirt.  I'll give you a hint on the decade: all day, the kids in my class kept signing, "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles.

It took a true leap of faith to go for the coral option, but I absolutely love them now!  I'm of course wearing them with black and NO granny panties.

155/365 - Marching orders

Cats, plants, housework, exercise, creativity, and sleep, you gotta take your place behind kids, work, bills, groceries, and laundry.  Don't worry, I'll get back to you another day.

154/365 - Lakeside hammock

This, my friends...

...is a piece of perfection.

153/365 - To post or not to post...

....is not really the question.  What matters is whether I can finish my day knowing some part of it was devoted to creative expression.  Yesterday, my spirit came alive in ways that dance has inspired every since I was a little girl.  I'm not sure I can even put that feeling into words, but if you come dance with me, you'll know what I'm trying to say.

152/365 - Six-year old funnies

Mom says to Boy: "Could you please close the front door, and watch out for the cat."  

{Boy closes the front door.} 

Mom: "Did you let the cat out onto the porch?"  

{Boy opens the door and finds the cat wedged between the front door and the porch door.}

Boy: "Wow, that's one skinny guy!"

~~~~~~~

{Mom snuggles up next to Girl for bedtime prayers.}

Girl: "Where's my heart?"

{Mom puts her hand over Girl's heart.}

Girl: "I feel it....I love you."

Mom: "I love you too, sweetie."

Girls: "What are these, you know, circle things?"

Mom: "Your nipples?"

Girl: "Yep, that's a good name for them."

151/365 - Courage to live

It's easy to live your life according to someone else's rules, especially when those rules convince you to put aside what you believe.  It takes much more courage to live your life according to your own convictions, especially when those beliefs break someone else's rules.

150/365 - "Come si dice...?"

I spent a month in Rome playing for an opera festival the summer between my undergraduate degree and the start of my graduate studies.  I won't tell you how long ago that was.  The festival wasn't much to write home about, but I couldn't really complain - I was in Rome for a whole month!

Strolling through the piazzas with their elaborate fountains and open-air markets, cafes and shops, extraordinary art, architecture, history and gelaterias everywhere I turned, I quickly fell in love with the culture and cuisine of Rome.  Imagine gelato that puts Häagen-Dazs to shame, enforced afternoon siestas (the locals yelled at me through my window when I tried to practice my flute), candlelit dinners on cheerful red checked tablecloths, delectable spaghetti alla carbonara, red wine served at every meal, melone con prosciutto, more gelato.

After a week or so venturing out on my own, I managed to befriend a couple of Italian women associated with the festival.  They were kind enough to show me some of the less touristy restaurants and sites and even managed to teach me to "parlare italiano un po'."  I loved how the soft Italian words rolled off my Midwestern tongue, and I vowed to continue studying the language when I returned home.

Toward the end of my month-long stay in Italy, when I realized I could no longer fit into my pants, I found myself in a small shop trying on clothes.  I was surprised to find that I was able to hold my own with the shop's very patient sales mistress, "per due o tre minuti" at least.  Of course, it's not that hard to decipher "maggiore" when hand gestures are involved.  Spoken like a true Italian, I suppose.

I did keep my promise to learn Italian.  After two semesters of intense study back in the States, I became proficient enough in the language that I was even dreaming in Italian.  I also maintained some correspondence with one of the women I had met in Rome, her writing to me in English and me to her in Italian.  It's hard to believe that I was once that comfortable with Italian, because I can hardly remember any of it now.  When I try to retrive the vocabulary and verb conjugation, it all seems to get jumbled up with musical terms and the Spanish I learned in high school.

It's no mystery that if you don't use a language you lose it.  But I am also learning that for anything to be functional and valuable in my life, be it meditation or writing or making music, I absolutely must invest in it regularly.  After all, what can be gained without faithful dedication to the art of living and living well?  Except a few extra pounds, that is.

149/365 - Sweeney Todd

You can probably count me among the dead when this show closes on Sunday.

148/365 - Spirituality vs. Humanity

I fancy myself a philosopher, a spiritually-minded person devoted to contemplative practices and higher consciousness.  My children regularly remind me I am very much a fallible human being.  Both make me so stinkin' happy to be alive!

147/365 - Morning Reflections

Thank you for this day
For the luxury of life
And the mystery that unfolds
When I open my eyes to see.

146/365 - Understanding

"God and love are two of the most misunderstood words in the human lexicon."  The quote goes something like that, but I can't seem to find the source.  No matter, the concept isn't exactly novel, though it is critical to understanding the struggle we as human beings have in seeking both.

There are many wise and passionate souls who have written countless books in order to tease out the meaning and significance of each of these incredibly complex entities.  I humbly include myself among those who have made such attempts, but the deeper I come to know both, the more I realize that such concepts cannot be known or completely understood with mere words.

Yet we still try.

Without entertaining the meaning or existence of God or the expression of love, I would venture to say that neither can be fully experienced outside the intimacy of relationship.  And to believe in either, we must first believe in something greater than fulfilling our selfish individual desires.  Yet to believe in something greater than ourselves, we must first know and understand who we are as individuals and what we desire from life.

Perhaps it's not God or love that are misunderstood so much as we misunderstand ourselves.

145/365 - Backblaze

This is my first time backing up my hard disk in about 4 years.  I found an online backup service that works continuously to backup everything on my computer to an online unlimited storage space for only $5/month.  My initial backup is in progress - one of the benefits is that it runs in the background so your work at the computer is not disrupted.  One of the downsides is that it could take up to 30 days to complete the initial backup.  I wonder if that has anything to do with their 15 day free trial?