It's really important to get out of your comfort zone every now and then. Getting out of your comfort zone gives you an opportunity to grow. I definitely had a growing opportunity this past week when I auditioned for my first musical since my now nine year old was a toddler.
As I prepared for my audition, I decided to seek out some lessons from a voice teacher, a colleague I've known since grad school. I wanted to make sure I didn't make a fool of myself, i.e. singing by myself in public = out of my comfort zone. Dancing and acting rarely make me nervous, but even though I know I can sing, my voice often does very odd things completely beyond my control when anxiety and adrenaline are in the mix. Which is most of the time when I have to sing by myself in public. Hence the comfort zoning issues.
It's not that I have a bad voice, I just don't usually have the confidence to back it up. It's remotely possible this might have something to do with the stories my family likes to tell about me "honking" when I tried to sing as a toddler. I didn't care - I loved to sing anyway. I have recollections of asking to sing a solo in the children's choir at church and after offering my very first audition, the choir director graciously declined. I just sang a little louder than anybody else after that. I also remember listening to Madonna songs on the radio in junior high school, recording them to cassette tape so I could sing them over and over again until I had all the words memorized. I'm sure my family was grateful I was holed up in my room for most of that time, with my green shag carpet and rainbow striped comforter and matching curtains for sound proofing.
Despite beginning my college music studies with this dismal vocal background, which included the inability to sing an octave - just ask my freshman year aural skills teacher - I somehow managed to finally learn how to sing. I took several semesters of ear training courses and eventually joined the women's glee club, and what do you know? I earned two music degrees and could actually hold a tune singing the alma mater at graduation! A year or so later, I even braved the mic at a Halloween karaoke party, making my debut with the famous 70's love song, "If." It may have been one of the dorkiest moments of all time, but it was one of my dad's favorites songs, so I knew the tune and could sing every word by heart.
Even with my brave one night karaoke stand, I never did let go of my anxiety when it came to singing in public. Trust me, I've had plenty of bad audition experiences to prove it. I've come away from most auditions bawling in embarrassment at the sounds that came out of my mouth, even those times when I remembered the words. Truthfully, I had pretty much made up my mind not to audition for this show, mainly because I was really only interested in one role, and even though it's got a kick-ass dance part, the character also has a solo song. I wasn't sure I was up for that.
And then I heard some lyrics listening to another song that changed my mind: "You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime."
Now, I don't really feel like my prime is in danger of slipping away, nor do I need to land a singing role in a show to prove it, but it did feel like an omen to give it a shot. I've gotten pretty darn confident in myself these last few years... Maybe, with a little gumption and some proper coaching, I could for once and for all, put to rest the notion that, "I can dance, but I'm not really that much of a singer." So, I worked my butt off this past week getting my songs ready for the audition. I even had so much fun singing with my new voice teacher that I may just continue taking lessons. By the time my audition came around, I knew I would be far from the strongest singer, but I really believed I might be good enough to get the part.
The cast list went up tonight, and....
I didn't get the part. I'm not even going to be embarrassed to say I thought that I would. I felt so great about my audition - dancing, acting, and singing - and I came away feeling like I delivered everything I was capable of giving. Sure, I'm disappointed not to get the role I wanted, but it's really OK. The elation I felt when I walked out of that theatre after my audition means so much more to me than any part I could have been offered in the show. Doing the audition was exactly what I was supposed to do. I got out of my comfort zone. I grew! I did something at the prime age of 39 that I've never done before. I actually had fun singing by myself in public. And I don't even think I embarrassed myself doing it. I am a professional musician after all.
Now, where's my karaoke backing track?
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